Wayne Brown Reflects on his first year as the Mayor of Auckland

“It has been a memorable year. My first year as Mayor of our stinky city” wrote Mayor Brown on Newsroom, a parody news site in New Zealand. Here are his reflections on the past year

Holes
While he was on a flight from India, flying business class on rate payers money, he was busy complaining how rate payers are being short handed with over spending and fiscal holes. As he arrived in Auckland, he went straight to a 18-hole golf game with John Key

City of Stink
Brown acknowledged Auckland as a great city but it is crippled with debt and so he had to cut spending on critical services such as managing sewage plants. Instead, he directed human faeces to be diverted to public beaches

Climate Change Believers Beware
Mayor Brown warned that Auckland might not be the ideal location for those who believe in climate change and has asked Chlöe Swarbrick to evacuate Auckland CBD in 2024

Cliffs
Brown advises against buying a house over a cliff, as it may turn into a cruise ship overnight. He recommends investing in bungee cords and parachutes as part of the home insurance package

Chocolate Teapots
Mayor Brown admitted that assets like Port of Auckland and Auckland Airport are as useful as chocolate teapots. His solution? Start a chocolate teapot manufacturing company to boost the local economy

Make Auckland Filthy Rich
Mayor Brown assures residents that the Auckland Future Fund will make sure Auckland is filthy rich and his grandchildren with inherit all the wealth

No More Hugs
Finally, Mayor Brown declares that 2024 will be a no-hug year, but he will come to your barbecue party. Simply send him an email, and he’ll be there!

“On that note, I wish you all a happy new year” signed off Mayor Brown

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *